just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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