I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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