first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
