I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
