I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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