I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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