the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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