Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
