I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
