If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
