I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
