this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
