i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
