Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
