she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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