were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
