Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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