I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
