I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
