they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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