I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
