she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
