Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
