Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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