Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
