Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
