I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
