So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
