I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
