I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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