Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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