I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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