Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
