My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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