Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
