How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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