So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
