Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
