just come out here and I will go home with you...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no, he came in my armpit
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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