I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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