I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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