Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
50% drunk capacity currently
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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