I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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