i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
