good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
