remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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