Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
