Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
