Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
