So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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