dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
