the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
