At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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