oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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