I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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