Im at strip club and am horny
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
