Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
