How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
