11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
